Story by Jon Stalnaker, AKA The Studebaker Dude
There’s an old saying: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” I probably first heard that back in the 1950s, and I always took it to be true. Calling someone an “old dog” can mean they’re experienced, stubborn, set in their ways or living an unconventional lifestyle. It can also be affectionate—a worldly, crafty old man who has lived a full and colorful life. Sometimes it describes an older man who is sharp, experienced or surprisingly successful or flirtatious.
Somewhere in all those descriptions is a place where I see myself and can be comfortable. I’ve been struggling lately with being this old man who can’t—or just doesn’t want to—keep up with the latest technology. AI scares me, and I’m not as good with my computer as I used to be. I can’t keep up with all the changes, and I don’t know who I can turn to for help catching up.
I have been dreading October because I was told many months ago that Microsoft Publisher was going away, and I still haven’t found a replacement. I’ve been putting my stories into book form and have already completed three volumes, along with about two-thirds of the 2026 edition. I think I’m going to have to start that one over, but at least I have all the stories saved as Word documents.
I have been told to check out Canva and Affinity, and I have looked them over with much apprehension and fear. That is where I relate to the old dog who can’t learn a new trick. It’s not funny, man—at least not to me. I literally “freak out” when I try to understand the foreign language of computerology.
Carlene usually steps in to help, even though I know she doesn’t like being around me when I’m being a big baby about this stuff. I get so frustrated when I can’t figure out something my grandchildren would consider a simple task.
It gives me no comfort to remember that, when I was their age, I had memorized the telephone numbers of all my friends and family. A telephone in my pocket that is also a quality camera? They didn’t even have those in the science-fiction movies I went to see at the theater on Saturdays. I was a grown man before this computer stuff was taken for granted.
It’s not so much that I can’t learn all this stuff. I think it’s more that I’m a stubborn old man, set in my ways and resistant to change. It seems that as soon as I learn how to do something, they change it and I have to learn it all over again.
Right now, I want to give it up altogether. But I think those thoughts are just me having a tantrum on the floor. I’ll get over it, and I’m sure I’ll get back in the groove.
In the meantime, don’t pay any attention to the whimpering and cursing coming out of my house. I’ll just curl up in my favorite chair and take a nap like a good dog.
