Story by Jon Stalnaker
AKA The Studebaker Dude
So, you say that nobody has worn mutton chop sideburns for 50 years? With a few exceptions, I believe this to be true, at least for me. 50 years seems like a long time, but for me it is still fresh in my mind. I have this picture of me sporting some healthy mutton chop sideburns that was taken about 50 years ago. The funny thing is, that picture was taken while I was serving in the military in 1973. You might think to yourself, that can’t be, the military would not allow that back then. That is true, but I’m not in my uniform and I was on leave for a couple of weeks at the time this picture was taken. Yes, my beard grew long and fast back then. And short hair was not the cool thing back then either. John Lennon rocked mutton chop sideburns (he called them side levers) and there were few more groovy than John Lennon in the early 70s. That’s right man, I said groovy. And dig that mod British shirt with the rounded collar. I loved that shirt and the wide knitted ties of the 70s were outta sight. You should see my 3-inch platform boots from that era. They were so comfortable and were favorites of mine. I think they were tossed when I wasn’t looking, by a wife that didn’t like them.
I was in my 20s in the 70s and now I find myself in my 70s in the 20s. I took a selfie to show off my week’s worth of growth on my new mutton chops sideburns. They are a little harder to see as they are white now. And it has only been a week since I started to grow them. Am I trying to start a new trend? No, I have good reason and it has nothing to do with attempting to be groovy again. You see, it’s one of those things you have to deal with when you get older. You were warned to use sunscreen and wear a hat when you are out in the sun. You agree with that and understand the ramifications of not adhering to this simple precaution, yet somehow this wise advice slips through the cracks. If you die young, you can get away with it (kinda), but if you live long enough, it catches up with you. If you are lucky, you get sunspots and pre-cancerous lesions, if you are not, you get melanoma or skin cancer. Well, I had a small patch of dry skin on my cheek that wouldn’t go away. After months and months of looking at it and waiting unsuccessfully for it to go away on its own, I mentioned it to my doctor, and he referred me to a specialist. She looked it over and reassured me it was non-cancerous. She froze it off in her office and told me not to shave over it for a week or two.
Now, I could grow a beard easily enough, but my wife doesn’t like my beard, even though I can grow a fine one. Not only that, but my beard is snowy white now and the Santa look does not appeal to me. I wasn’t about to leave a quarter size beard growing out of my cheek, so I was left to bring back my mutton chops from 50 years ago, even though they are now white. I don’t intend to keep them though, and plan to shave them off in another week. Meanwhile I can have some fun with it and freak out those that want to tell me how I should look. I never listened to those people, even in my youth. I’m the guy that wore Hawaiian shirts before they became popular. I had to buy them at the Goodwill Store when I first started wearing them. It was nice when they became trendy, and I had a plethora from which to choose. I once told one of my sons who was struggling with this issue in high school that he should not try to fit in with the current thing, but to be the trend setter. You should have seen the ties I wore when I went into management at the post office. I’ve always been that way, it’s my comfort zone.
It’s been fun reminiscing about the 70s, the Love decade. That stuff ALMOST caught on, but that’s another story, one that I’m not sure I want to explore.
