Story by Jon Stalnaker AKA The Studebaker Dude
I’ve written several stories about how difficult the Christmas season is for many people, including myself. This is going to be a little different. I don’t feel the need to explain why Christmas can get me down, because the reasons are different for each person that struggles with this affliction. It can be because you are missing a loved one, or because of dysfunctional family issues, or something bad that happened at Christmas that pops back into your head, and you can’t shake it. I even know several people that share a birthday with Jesus and feel that Christmas robs them of feeling special on one extra day of the year. Most times there are multiple reasons, and we don’t want to be a drag, but it’s hard not to be.
I think I am getting better with this, so I hope to give some comfort to others that it CAN get better. You don’t have to live out the rest of your life feeling like the Grinch. I enjoy watching the Hallmark Christmas movies because I know that even though they are pretend, they always have a happy ending. I could get cynical and fuss about how unreal the stories are, but I choose to just enjoy that the whole world is not necessarily on the “Eve of Destruction”, even though it’s easy to come to that conclusion in today’s world.
I have to give a lot of credit to my wife, Carlene. She loves Christmas, and for years I have spoiled it for her. From not wanting a Christmas tree to refusing to decorate, she has tolerated my “bah humbug” foolishness with love and understanding. She wouldn’t let me get away with ignoring it altogether, but kept up the celebration without judging me or allowing me to spoil it for her. I think I did spoil it more than she lets on and have been suffering the guilt of that, which just made me feel worse. But I deserved to feel bad about it, and while she never pressed me about it, it made it even clearer to me that I needed to stop being a jerk about it.
I’ve been working on it for several years now, and each year we do a little bit more. She shows me so much love that I work hard not to be such a fuddy-duddy. She deserves better than that, and the light is getting brighter and brighter in my sick head. Also, focusing on the reason for the season helps too. In a world filled with so much hate speak, it helps to remember that Jesus is all about love. It’s not too much for me to remember that love has always been a better option for us. We need to remember that, even if it takes a holiday to get us to do it. We should be focusing on that EVERY day.
All that being said, I still struggle with Christmas. I struggle with things that have gone wrong in my life. I don’t blame anyone but myself for my shortcomings, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. What makes me feel better is having a wife that lives the love year round. I’m not saying she never gets upset about anything, but her capacity to love only makes me more convinced that she is an angel that was placed in my life when I needed it most. She will shake her head and deny that statement as rubbish, but she’s not the only miracle answer to prayer that I have been blessed with. This Christmas, I am thankful for the blessings that God has given me, and especially the gift of a real angel to keep me on track. The only gift I ask from God is to never let me know a day without her.
