Story by Jon Stalnaker
AKA The Studebaker Dude
My twisted brain has helped me accomplish some unbelievable, incredible, amazing, and awesome things that are quite possibly only interesting to me. There are even a few things that I’m not sure I want to include because they are so terrible. But trust me, they are not what they seem on the surface. I like to say I’ve done some fantastic things that sound really impressive, but just like me, when you get to see what REALLY happened, it’s not very impressive at all. But it amuses me. Let me give you some examples.
I used to live in an established neighborhood in Stockton. It was known for its lush shade trees. I was sitting in my front yard one day, staring at the huge tree across the street at my neighbor’s house. I remember thinking to myself “wouldn’t it be amazing if I could say that I counted every leaf on that big tree.” So, I decided to do it. It was a huge tree, and you might think it was impossible to count every leaf on it, but it wasn’t. I even remember how many there were after all these years. The number of leaves on that tree was eight. You see, it was fall and when I would tell someone that I once counted all the leaves, I would do that in the summer when the tree was full of leaves. They typically would just roll their eyes and say, “yeah sure”. They weren’t really impressed with that accomplishment, they just thought I was lying about it. But I spoke the truth.
I remember another day in 1978, I was doing timecards in the post office and I was wearing a digital watch. It dawned on me that it was May the sixth, about half past noon. I decided to look at my watch so I could see the digital display turn to twelve thirty-four. Why on earth would I do that? Because I wanted to say that I was looking at my watch at exactly 12:34 5/6 ’78. I thought it was cool and it amused me. I have referred to it in later years but have yet to impress anyone with that one either.
I had a strange opportunity later on in my postal career that is a great example of something that sounds clever, at least to me. I was the Supervisor of Delivery and Collections in Stockton and I dealt regularly with the Station Managers and Delivery Supervisors out at the branch offices. I had a friend that I had known since high school and he was the supervisor at the North Stockton Station. His name was Jon Stevens. I called looking to talk with the station manager, whose name was John Tuso. The supervisor answered the phone, and my mind knew instantly what I had to say. So, I blurted out, “hello Jon, this is Jon, is John there?” I had not rehearsed that. It just came to me in a flash and I was so proud that I said it. Again, I was amazed and amused, but nobody else cared.
Let’s go to 1980. I received an Olympic Medal from the Moscow Olympic Games. Now, this one sounds impressive. I’ve included a picture of it for proof because I am far from an athletic kind of guy. If you are a scholar of the Olympics, you might immediately call me out on the fact that the Moscow Olympics of 1980 were boycotted by 65 Western Nations, including the USA. It was because of the Russian invasion of Afghanistan in late 1979. But I have the medal, I can show it to you, it is real. Well, if you look at a color picture of my medal, you will see that it is neither bronze, silver, nor gold. It is, in fact, platinum. Not a fourth-place medal but a souvenir. I was a mailman and was given this by customers on my route that went to the Olympics as spectators. I was blown away that they would think of me while on that amazing vacation. So, this one is impressive, not because of my athletic excellence, but because I like to think I was a rather good mailman. Okay, maybe I’m the only one impressed by that too.
Let me finish with a seemingly unbelievable thing I did in a neighborhood park years ago. I have included a picture of two light poles at the baseball diamonds. If I told you I once jumped from the tip-top of one pole to the tip-top of the other pole (successfully), you would surely call me a liar. Yet it is absolutely true.
I have witnesses too. I was walking around the park with my children and I told them I was going to do something that one day would sound so incredible that people would not believe it. I told them I was going to jump from the top of one pole to the top of the other one. They rolled their eyes and shook their heads at yet another stupid dad trick. I told them they should do it too as they might not get another opportunity like that. Again, eyes rolled. I did it, and they shook their heads in embarrassment. The poles had not been lifted into place yet and were laying on the grass tip to tip. The jump was only about six inches. Sounds impossible when you look at them now but certainly not an impressive feat in any way shape or form. But I amused myself.
